Should Have…

Cristine-

Just sitting in the NICU as my perfect, little angel sleeps.

He’s been doing so good lately. His favorite nurse said he will most likely be home sometime in February. I can’t believe we are so close!

He’s been having weekly ultrasounds for his brain bleeds. The last one showed improvement. No more bleeding and his ventricles are shrinking. All really good news. There was a time when we thought a shunt was inevitable. Most likely it won’t be needed and I’m so very happy for that.

A physical therapist and occupational therapist come in to see him a couple of times a week. They showed us some exercises to do with him daily. Most likely he will continue seeing them even after he is released. Just early prevention. Hopefully they won’t be needed for long.

All really good news. But as I sit here I can’t help but feel a little sad. This isnt how things are supposed to be. Today Matty is 37 weeks. We should be at home eagerly anticipating the first signs of labor. I should be waddling around with my huge belly. Our baby shower should have been a couple of weeks ago. We should have real maternity pictures and not ones outside the hospital. His birth should have been a joyous occasion and not one overshadowed with fear and sadness. We didn’t get any family pictures of Claudia and I looking at him adoringly just moments after his birth. I didn’t even get to meet him until 10 hours after he was born. No birth announcements were sent out. No visitors at the hospital to meet him. He’s almost eight weeks old and our families haven’t even been able to see him in person.

I didn’t just want to be a mom. I wanted to experience pregnancy. I wanted to be pregnant. For nine whole months. Matty will most likely be the only baby I carry in my belly and that was cut short. I didn’t get to feel him wiggle around, have the hiccups or see his limbs push up against my tummy. I was just barely beginning to feel his kicks when he was delivered.

I know these things shouldn’t matter. Our son is here. The one we desperately wanted and tried for over and over again. I hate that I even care about these things. All that should matter is that we have Matty. We are mommies. Finally.

Sorry for the pity party rant. I know none of these things should matter and when you look at the big picture they really don’t. I have a beautiful son that I’m so in love with and we have seen him basically develop in front of our eyes. He truly is amazing and that’s what I need to focus on and not feel cheated on what should have been.

Doing Good

Cristine-

Matty is doing great!

He is off the ventilator, just on oxygen nasal canulas. All IV’s are out. The antibiotics cleared his pneumonia. His red blood cells and platelets have stabilized. The weekly ultrasounds for his brain bleeds haven’t shown any changes for weeks which is good. No new bleeds and no extra fluid build up. He had an eye exam and the doctor didn’t see anything concerning.

His nurses are surprised by his progress and how well he is doing. They always tell us what a laid back, easy baby he is.

Before in the early weeks, no one ever talked about us bringing Matty home. I think a lot of the staff didn’t see that happening. Now they are constantly bringing it up and helping us prepare for his homecoming. Still don’t know when that day will actually be but at least we know it’s coming up. They said his original due date is a possibility, February 19, but it’s too hard to say.

In other good news, we are going to have a baby shower!! My mom still wanted to throw one for us and we still need a lot of things. All we have is the crib and dresser. So February 2, will be our baby shower finally.

Pictures of the little buckaroo will be posted soon!

Matty Mouse!!

Cristine here. Been awhile since I last wrote. Like always, I meant to document our journey here but life took over and it’s been a bit difficult.

As you all know, from the very cute pictures that have been posted, Matty made his arrival a whole eleven weeks early.

Adding his prematurity to the problems he was already experiencing in utero, the little guy has not had an easy life so far.

It’s too much to get into full details but I’ll summarize.

So far, he’s had two blood transfusions and four platelet transfusions. His lungs were super premature so he’s had some difficulties with the ventilator. Last week, the doctor thought he might be strong enough to get off of the ventilator so they removed it. He didn’t do so well so he had to be reincubated again. After that they discovered he had a lung infection. Turned out to be pnemunia. And the big one, he has brain bleeds.

Brain bleeds are a common occurance in premature babies. Most babies have grade 1 or 2 bleeds. Those are usually no big deal. The more severe ones are grade 3 and 4. Matty has two grade 3 bleeds.

When the doctors first found out they had the “talk” with us. Whether or not we wanted to continue Matty’s life. He told us that with grade 3 bleeds a child may experience a wide range of disabilities. It could be something as simple as speech/motor delays or as severe as cerebral palsy.

Never did we think we would be having THIS talk but the decision was a no brainer. We were no way in hell giving up on our baby. The doctors can’t predict his future and there is no way to tell which way Matty will go. And they obviously dont know Claudia and I. We are fighters and have been through a lot. But we aren’t naive, we know things can turn out to be the extreme side of the spectrum but we know we can give Matty a good life. He will be loved and he will know we have never wanted or fought for anything as much we we did for him. And besides, he is honestly the strongest person I know. All three pounds of him! He isn’t giving up and continues to surprise the nurses and doctors with his feisty, little self. So together we will continue and gain strength from one another.

I thought trying to get pregnant was hard. Never did I imagine we would have a premature baby in the NICU. This has been the most draining experience mentally and emotionally. I have never cried so much in my life. I hate seeing our helpless baby being poked and prodded over and over again and there is nothing we can do to stop it. Or see him cry and no sound comes out because he has a tube jammed down his throat. At the same time, it’s amazing to see this tiny boy have so much strength. He is a determined little thing!

There are times when I’m angry, sad, frustrated, jealous and think “why us?” when I think of everything we have been through but then I look at this perfect, little boy and realize it all lead us to him. And that by itself is totally worth it.

We still have a long, road ahead of us but I’m counting the days til we can bring Matty home with us.

Please keep our Matty Mouse in your prayers and thoughts!!

Protected: Ta-Da!!!

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

By babylopez8410 Posted in baby

Password

Claudia-

Hey all! I’m about to post pictures of baby Matty. I’m password protecting that post so if you wanna see some crazy cuteness email me for the password at cc.gomez84@gmail.com
Hope everyone is enjoying the holidays!!!

By babylopez8410 Posted in baby

Baby Matty

Claudia-

Just wanted to updated u all on Mattys status… He’s kicking ass! Haha. Our little fighter is doing great! A nurse even came up to us today and told us how happy she was he was doing so well. And another nurse said, “he wasn’t so good this weekend but he’s a good boy now, he’s been behaving” 😀 He looks way healthier now too. It’s weird two days ago his vitals were finally stable but he still looked sick and all of a sudden today he just looked so different. It’s hard to put into words but his health is slowly improving and it shows. Let’s hope he keeps making progress because Cristine and I can’t wait until the day we actually get to hold him and kiss him.

Here’s a couple of sneak peak pictures of our little guy…

20121214-021926.jpg

20121214-021937.jpg

20121214-024024.jpg

Things never quite go as planned

Claudia-
So as you all already know, Cristine was admitted into labor and delivery on Tuesday November 20th. While at the hospital we were getting daily ultrasounds and at least 3 hours of monitoring the babys heart rate per day,to make sure he didn’t go into stress. Everything looked good, his heart rate never dropped and he was very active during every ultrasound.

On Wednesday December 5th we had a follow up ultrasound(growth scan)…this is when everything changed. Here we were again, in this very room where we received all our bad news, crying again. The baby’s dopplers had gotten worse and he was struggling too much to try to get the blood he required to stay healthy and grow. He doctor said the words we were dreading the most, “we’re going to have to deliver you. Go back to labor and delivery and I’ll call up there to let them know.” We were scared out of our freakin minds! Yes Cristine and baby were able to hold out 2 more weeks since our last growth scan when Cristine was admitted and yes 2 weeks makes a huge difference, but Cristine was still only 29 weeks pregnant! We cried, called our families and mentally prepared ourselves for what was about to happen.

The next morning, on December 6th at 11:11am our baby Cristian Mateo was born. Weighing 2.2 pounds and measuring 13.4 inches. He’s not 100% healthy but overall strong and very willing to fight! Cristine had to have a C-section because a vaginal delivery would have been too much for Matty to handle. His lungs weren’t quite developed yet so he’s getting help from a respirator and is currently in an incubator. We’ve had a couple of bad days but the last 2 days have been going pretty well. He’s stable and slowly being weened off some of the medication he was on. His vital signs are all pretty normal now after having to receive a blood transfusion (low red blood cell count). His doctor is amazing and we trust that she’s making all the right decisions for him to continue his development.

Today we came home from the hospital, just Cristine and I, no baby. He’ll be in the NICU for about 6 weeks, more or less depending on his progress. We’re sad he can’t be here with us right now but we know he’s in good hands and we live close enough that we can visit him multiple times a day.

Oh and did I mention he’s absolutely the cutest thing ever! He has Cristines lips and her toes. He has a dimple on his chin just like Cristines brother,Marcos. And he’s got the cutest little nose and hands I’ve ever seen! We’re SO SO SO in love with him, we just stare at him for hours and giggle every time he makes any little movement.

Everyone please send baby Matty positive vibes. He’ll need them get healthy for us.

By babylopez8410 Posted in baby

Unexpected Thanksgiving

Cristine-

Hi all!

Just wanted to give a quick update. Our pregnancy journey has been one filled with many ups and downs. Just like our TTC journey, I shouldn’t have expected anything less.

After the testing came back with a possible marker for Down Syndrome, we have been getting ultrasounds regularly. Three weeks ago, the doctor told us that the baby was small for his age and that the umbilical cord was being pinched somewhere which is causing the baby to work too hard to get blood flow and necessary nutrients. We had to go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday to see if the baby had improved any and after the scan the doctor sent us up to labor and delivery right away.

So here I am at 27 weeks in Labor and Delivery and this will be our now home until baby graces us with his beautiful, little presence. The doctors and staff are hoping to get us to 34 weeks but that can change at any moment. For now it’s constant monitoring and daily ultrasounds to make sure the little Buckaroo doesn’t go into stress.

But for now, the doctors are really happy with the progress he’s making. They all say he’s a little fighter and a bit stubborn. Which makes me quite proud I must say!

This is not how I intended to spend my Thanksgiving but I am so beyond grateful they were able to catch this before it turned into something worse. That is what I’m trying to focus on and not be depressed by my surroundings for the next couple of months. Just hoping he can stay inside for as long as possible.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!