Merry Christmas!

This year has been so different compared to last year. We spent our holidays in the NICU for 2012. This year, we have a one year old who is healthy, happy and absolutely perfect!!! So much to update on but for now I’ll leave you with some pictures.

Me and Matty at his first 49er game

Birthday photo shoot



Just the 3 of us!

1st picture with Santa

Jerry loves Matty


Happy Holidays from our family to yours!!!


Hello Blog World!!


Hello again!!! It’s been a long time. Wish I had a good excuse but the days have just been flying by. My little family of three has been great!! Matty seriously is our miracle baby and keeps surprising us and his doctors everyday. He is now 8 months old; 5 1/2 months corrected.

On Wednesday, Matty had a big appointment with the high risk infant clinic. He did so good. Scored at a six month level for cognitive. Five month level for language and a four month level for gross motor skills. He just started rolling over about a week ago and is practicing his sitting skills. So yeah, he is developmentally behind but everyday he is making progress. He still isn’t able to fully hold his head up when on his tummy but his neck muscles are getting stronger. We knew he would be behind in his milestones due to his prematurity but he also has to work extra hard due to the after effects of his brain bleeds. His head grew at a faster rate then most babies. So he has a big ol’ noggin on a little body (he is growing into it though).

His weight has been a slow process. He isn’t gaining as much as we would like but at least he’s gaining. He’s not even on the growth curve they use. At eight months old, he only weighs 12 pounds 5 ounces (as of Wednesday) but his doctors aren’t too concerned about it yet. They say he has til the age of two to hopefully catch up to other children in his age group. He was only two pounds when he was born so twelve pounds seems gigantic to us! The good news, is that we finally got the okay to start him on solids so hopefully that will pack on some pounds. He tried oatmeal cereal for the first time yesterday and he loves it!! We have to take Matty in every 2-4 weeks for weight checks so I hope we will see a pretty good jump the next time we go in.

I know I say this every time BUT I plan on writing more. This started off as a infertility blog about a lesbian couple trying to have a baby. Our life has changed. We are now mommies to an amazing, little boy that has overcome so many obstacles but he still has a long road ahead of him. I want to share Matty’s story and hopefully help another family that is in the same situation. I want them to know that miracles do in fact happen and these little babys are strong, resilient and not to count them out. I’ll write more about Matty’s hospital stay because I sort of glossed over it in my other posts but its a big part of his story. It was just too hard to write about it then. So I hope you will all continue following our journey!!

I’m going to put up a bunch of pictures of Matty in a protected post. So if you don’t have the password yet and would like it email Claudia at

At Last

Matty is finally home with us!!!

He came home Friday, March 1, which also happens to be Claud’s birthday. Best present ever!

We are quickly getting the hang of things. Matty is such a good baby though so he doesn’t make it really hard. He cries when hungry or has a dirty diaper basically. He doesn’t mind noise since he’s so used to having nurses and doctors around him all the time. And his schedule has been the same for 3 months now so no guessing or trial and error on our parts.

Sleep has been ok. We are terrified of all three of us sleeping at the same time so I go to sleep for about 6 hours at night and Claud stays with Matty. She’ll then wake me up to take over for the next 6 hours and once she’s awake we are all together for the day.

He has a health home nurse coming to check up on him today and his one week pediatrician appointment on the 8th.

Just wanted to give a quick update. More later!

Due Date


The anticipated day that all moms to be look forward to with fear, anxiety, nervousness, impatience and happiness.

I don’t know why this day meant so much to me. Just a day. Probably a day that Matty wouldn’t have even been born on. But yet it’s so much more. It’s one of the first things that tied us to Matty and our pregnancy. It made it real. We had a day to countdown too. A day to look forward too. A day that would finally bring us what we’ve been waiting for.

It seemed so far away then. Back in July when we finally got our positive. It seemed far away in December when Matty entered the world. And now it’s here. Just like that.

Matty is now 11 weeks old but adjusted age only ONE day old. Crazy!!

I thought I would be sad today but instead I’m grateful. I get to stare at my handsome son as he gives me his huge, gummy smile and all is right in our little world.

Breast Feeding and Baby Shower


First, thank you all for all your kind comments on my last post, Should Have. The support we get from this community is overwhelming.

Matty is continuing to get stronger. He is almost off of the nasal cannulas which means no oxygen! We can’t wait for that day but still very terrified of it.

The one issue we do seem to be having is feeding. It’s been a slow process and we can only hope it clicks soon. If not, than Matty will be coming on with his feeding tube. Not uncommon for preemies but still not something that I want to happen. Matty has no problem sucking. They just don’t know how strong his swallow reflex is. We’ve been slowly introducing breast feeding. He latches on well (with a nipple shield) and he gets milk out. We don’t know how much he actually swallows though. The good thing is that he doesn’t choke and his vitals stay stable will doing this. I want him to get this down so badly. I don’t want him to stay on the feeding tube. And for a selfish reason also. I’m so tired of pumping!!! Nine weeks of exclusive pumping. I hate it, my boobs hate it and I think it’s making me little crazy.

Other than that not much going on. And in Matty’s world that is a wonderful thing. We don’t think he’s coming home in February though. 😦 Hopefully early March.

In other news, we finally had our cowboy themed baby shower for our Lil’ Buckaroo. We had an awesome time and it was nice to feel normal for a day. Sort of felt like our old selfs but I couldn’t help feel extremely guilty about having fun while Matty was by himself in his hospital crib. It was good to see everyone though. Claudia and I have been secluded from the rest of the world and it’s been months since I’ve seen most of my family. And we got a bunch of gifts. Diapers, Tommee Tippee bottles, swing, high chair, bouncy chair, bath tub, Boppy, baby carrier, bassinet, and a bunch of blankets, clothes and other things. We still need a car seat, stroller, diaper bag, baby monitor and rocking chair though. Still a lot of big, expensive things. :/ We will get them slowly.

Now for some pictures!






Should Have…


Just sitting in the NICU as my perfect, little angel sleeps.

He’s been doing so good lately. His favorite nurse said he will most likely be home sometime in February. I can’t believe we are so close!

He’s been having weekly ultrasounds for his brain bleeds. The last one showed improvement. No more bleeding and his ventricles are shrinking. All really good news. There was a time when we thought a shunt was inevitable. Most likely it won’t be needed and I’m so very happy for that.

A physical therapist and occupational therapist come in to see him a couple of times a week. They showed us some exercises to do with him daily. Most likely he will continue seeing them even after he is released. Just early prevention. Hopefully they won’t be needed for long.

All really good news. But as I sit here I can’t help but feel a little sad. This isnt how things are supposed to be. Today Matty is 37 weeks. We should be at home eagerly anticipating the first signs of labor. I should be waddling around with my huge belly. Our baby shower should have been a couple of weeks ago. We should have real maternity pictures and not ones outside the hospital. His birth should have been a joyous occasion and not one overshadowed with fear and sadness. We didn’t get any family pictures of Claudia and I looking at him adoringly just moments after his birth. I didn’t even get to meet him until 10 hours after he was born. No birth announcements were sent out. No visitors at the hospital to meet him. He’s almost eight weeks old and our families haven’t even been able to see him in person.

I didn’t just want to be a mom. I wanted to experience pregnancy. I wanted to be pregnant. For nine whole months. Matty will most likely be the only baby I carry in my belly and that was cut short. I didn’t get to feel him wiggle around, have the hiccups or see his limbs push up against my tummy. I was just barely beginning to feel his kicks when he was delivered.

I know these things shouldn’t matter. Our son is here. The one we desperately wanted and tried for over and over again. I hate that I even care about these things. All that should matter is that we have Matty. We are mommies. Finally.

Sorry for the pity party rant. I know none of these things should matter and when you look at the big picture they really don’t. I have a beautiful son that I’m so in love with and we have seen him basically develop in front of our eyes. He truly is amazing and that’s what I need to focus on and not feel cheated on what should have been.